Moira and Andrew

Moira and Andrew Knight, both aged 53, from Penicuik have been fostering for 25 years. To date they have fostered more than 30 children. The couple are registered with Midlothian Council to care for children on a full-time and respite basis.

At the moment they have two foster children in their care – two girls aged 15 and 18.

They also provide respite for siblings to one of the children they foster. In addition they have two children of their own including 19-year-old son Gareth who lives at home.

Moira became a foster carer at the age of 28. She started fostering before she had her own children and says she has never differentiated between her own and fostered children.

Moira would urge anyone considering fostering to get in touch: "If you are interested in a career in care, why not think about fostering? It is very gratifying and enjoyable."

“Of course, it can sometimes be challenging but the benefits far outweigh any disadvantages.  Getting to know the children and their personalities is rewarding and both us and our own biological children have gained so much from this experience.”

Gareth feels he has really benefited from his parents’ decision to take up fostering: “It’s been great growing up in my extended family. Having lots of brothers and sisters has been fun and I regard them all as my real family and continue to keep in touch with them when they have moved on.”

Midlothian’s foster carers are assigned their own social worker who, along with the children’s own social worker, will provide help and support.

One of the services Moira and Andrew offer is respite care for children in Midlothian. This can be anything from providing holiday care for another foster family to providing weekend care.

Fees and allowances for foster carers help to make fostering more of a positive choice for people. However for the Knights, their main reason for becoming foster carers is their genuine love of children.

Many people considering fostering are concerned about how they will feel when the children that they may have become attached to might return to their families.

Moira said: “The children we foster become part of our own family, so inevitably we feel a bit sad when it is time for them to leave. However, it is always satisfying to know that we have been able to provide a loving and stable family environment during a difficult time. Also, we play an important role in preparing them for their return home.”

The Knights continue to keep in touch with the children they have fostered over the years and have even become grandparents to some of their children, including one-year-old Gregor.

Jackie Robertson

Jackie Robertson is 49 and married to Gary. They have one teenage daughter who lives at home. Jackie used to be a manager with House of Fraser. She’s been fostering for 18 months and did a year’s preparation before that. She does a mixture of fostering and respite care and has so far looked after five children. She is currently fostering two children.

Why did you decide to foster?

We had spoken about it for a long time but work commitments made us put it on hold. When I was made redundant, we decided now was the time. We decided that we would have a serious look fostering before I looked for any other job. We wanted to find out if it was something we could do as a family.

How does fostering make a difference?

You get to see on a one-to-one basis how you can help. You can show people there’s a different way of living and to include them in your family – family meals, going for walks, laughing, gaining their trust, and opening them up to new experiences by going on outings and getting out and about. It’s the wee things that make a difference.

And you can help their families, too – with parenting and that sort of thing – helping them to resolve issues so that children can go back to their families.

What sort of support do you get?

I get support from my worker and her colleagues. I can always get hold of her or someone else at social work. I get support from other carers. I go to support group once a month where you meet carers from all different backgrounds and providing all different levels of services. Everyone has different experiences that you can draw on.

We also get lots of training – ongoing throughout the year on lots of subjects.

At first, my daughter wasn’t very keen, so we kept our fostering to a particular age group (0-5). Then we did respite for 10-year-old, and my daughter really enjoyed it and we decided to work with children in this age group for respite. My daughter didn’t want the complications of being with children who were the same age as herself all the time. But we’ve bridged that gap now and it’s really successful for us.

Children are quite resilient and we haven’t had massive issues. We still have friends round the house and go out and visit. There’s lots more washing and ironing and it can be invasive on your daytime when your foster children have visits to their own family, but I always find ways to make the best of it.

What's your advice to anyone who's thinking about fostering?

You should speak with your immediate family and friends and get their thoughts. Speak to other foster carers, speak to social work. If there’s recruitment drive on in your area, go along – have a look – see if it’s something you can to do to give a child a place.

It doesn't have to be daily – you can do overnight or weekend respite – that might be just the little bit of relief that a family needs. Even one night a week’s respite can make a big difference to children and their families.

I really enjoy fostering - it is challenging and every day is different.

Charlie Stewart

Charlie Stewart is 53 and works as an admin assistant with the City of Edinburgh Council. He lives in East Lothian with his wife Ray. They have been foster carers for the last 10 years. Charlie and Ray have three children of their own and three grandchildren. Two of the children still live at home.

Charlie, Ray and their children have fostered around 30 children and young people, some full-time and some on respite.

Why did you decide to foster?

It was something that Ray always wanted to do – she had a relative in care long ago and it always stuck with her. We decided that if we ever had space, we would foster. We moved to a bigger house a few years back and decided to go for it. The time had come and we took the plunge.

How does fostering make a difference?

I think it brings stability and security to unstable and insecure lives for many of these kids. It provides them with a secure base and lets them experience life as it should be. We give them opportunities to do and see new things. We’ve had girls playing football and rugby; joining pipe bands. Others joined youth clubs – just opportunities that kids should - would have in an ordinary family. We just try to let them express themselves and have fun. Some of the kids were missing school and missing out on association with peers, taking part in sports. We see it as an opportunity to encourage talent, develop their self-confidence, boost their self esteem and replace the missing pieces.

What do you get out of fostering?

We get the satisfaction of seeing the change in children when they leave you more confident, more relaxed – their happiness keeps me young. Helping kids until they can move back to their own family or on to a new permanent family - almost all our outcomes have been positive. Our kids know that we’re always there for them, whatever. We still keep in touch with a lot of them and see some regularly. They come back and visit you long after they leave our home.

What sort of support do you get?

We’ve had the same link social worker since we started. We have an excellent relationship and can always get hold of her or someone else whenever we want to. It’s a small authority, which I think makes it easier for us. We’re closer together.

There’s a great network of carers. We have a men’s carers support group and a general carers’ group. We meet up socially regularly too.

The Men’s Group helps me to recognise the role that men play. We’re no longer just foster carers’ partners, like it used to be years ago. Men have a far more hands-on role in bringing up children generally and this is reflected in foster care too.

I get good access training from East Lothian Council and Fostering Network courses and top ups for other training too. Training should be mandatory for foster carers. If you’re looking after other people’s children, you need to train – training helps you make that extra difference.

You’re getting children with vastly different issues form the ones that your own children had. I would be horrified to think that anyone couldn’t be bothered to get off their backsides for a couple of hours to attend a training session. It helps you to sustain relationships with your foster children and get a better understanding of what’s happening so that you can really help them.

What sort of effect has it had on your family life?

Good – my children are more appreciative of everything in life when they see kids who haven’t had much or experienced a lot. It’s a really good grounding and shows them how lucky they are.

We told our children what we wanted to do and explained children were coming into the house, some of whom would have issues and challenges. Our kids were quite intrigued by the whole thing. They raised a lot of questions about sharing toys and rooms and Mum and Dad, were our foster children coming on holidays with us - We answered all their questions by the time the first person came, and they were at ease and really quite enthusiastic about it. We started with respite which gave us a gentler introduction to caring, as the child was only with us part of the week.

You can’t do fostering without the backing and inclusion of your kids. If they feel left out, you can’t do it. My grandchildren are also involved now and enjoy contact with new children – it’s been great for them as well.

I’m definitely more focused, patient and understanding than I used to be – I’ve changed from being a 9-5 parent to being a 24-hour one. It is different from parenting your own children – just the difficulties these kids face – it’s just nice to be able to say we have had a positive effect here, no matter how long or short a time they stay.

We get a lot of satisfaction out of what we do – we can say, yes we do make a difference.

What's your advice to anyone who's thinking of fostering?

Go for it – if you have the time, the space and the inclination. If you’ve ever thought about it, please make enquiries - make that phone call and follow it through.

It’s just like life - it has ups and downs, and you find out your own limits. I’d never turn the clock back - I’m very glad that we made the call and became foster carers.